Just for Fun
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: Helga takes on the fandom for pestering Arnold. Please don't be offended all you fine and fabulous fangirls out there. This story is, "Just for Fun."


**Okay, everyone. The countdown for the new Hey Arnold Jungle Movie is November, 2017. A trailer for the movie is out. Plus, there are rumors that if the movie does well enough, Nickelodeon might consider a season six for Hey Arnold. If you're in, then buy, buy, buy. I've already preordered a whole set of toys from ToysRus. Let's all support the Hey Arnold movie with cold hard cash. Whining is not enough. And this is just for fun. Helga versus the fandom. Why? Because.**

* * *

 **I Won't Be Shipped: An Alternative Ending for the first Hey Arnold Movie**

It was the usual ending scene of the Hey Arnold movie. Arnold and Helga both stood amongst the rubbled buildings of Hillwood, their faces flushed with the glory that some of Arnold's neighborhood was still standing They had succeeded in thwarting an evil land developer whom had used both legal and illegal means to snap up the neighborhood for his shopping mall. Yet now, Arnold would not have to move away. Helga would not need to see her beloved disappear. Yet the same, infuriating words rolled off the lips of both.

"You don't really love me.. Do you?" asked Arnold feeling suddenly nervous and ten years too young for the situation he was in. The hair prickled at the back of his neck. This was the place in other movies where the man pledged his love and cast out a long line for intimacy. Yet he did not feel inclined to offer either of these things. His heart was both ignorant and fearful.

"Of course not! I hate you, hate you, hate you! Never forget that, never!" Helga pointed a long finger at him before stamping away. It was a familiar heartache. Helga dancing off into the distance while Arnold seemed oblivious to care. But on this day, some mysterious beings tore into Hillwood- their purpose? Divine Intervention.

The robed ones who fell from the sky surrounded Arnold promptly. One of them stuffed Gerald in a trash can to prevent him from coming to Arnold's aid. The robed ones meant business.

"Arnold with the mysterious last name?" One of the robed ones sniffed. She lowered her hood to reveal a necklace adorned with kid's meal toys in Arnold and Helga's likenesses. Around her forehead was a wide, pink ribbon worn like a headband and on her nails were tiny painted hearts. "Arnold and Helga?" the robed one continued to sniff with the air of superiority common to fourth-dimensional beings.

"I am Number One of the Helga x Arnold Fanclub. This is Fangirl Number Two and Fangirl Number Three. Oh, and these two over there are Celrock and Numbuh."

"Hi!" the Arnold and Helga fans waved politely. But the ones nearer to Arnold prowled menacingly. Fan Girls Number Two and Three both laid their hands on Arnold's shoulder as if any second they might drag him away to a backalley.

"What do you want with me?!" Arnold asked. He rolled his eyes about, suddenly much more fearful of these robed girls than of Helga.

"We are intervening, Arnold!" Fangirl Number One declared much like a preacher would. "We are intervening for your own good! Here we are again! The movie rolls, and you always say the same wrong thing! You know you and Helga are meant for one another! We all know it! And we can't stand watching it anymore! So we have used our magic to tear through space and time and the black bars between film frames to come to you here to set things right! Arnold!" Fangirl Number One said ominously. "You will tell Helga you love her right now!"

"No I won't," Arnold said stubbornly..

"Yes you will!" the robed being spat, both revering and despising Arnold.

"I will not!" Arnold spat back with indignation.

"And what do YOU have to say about this Helga?" Fangirl Number One asked of the girl whom had been observing the strange beings with and abnormal expression of calm composure. She shrugged.

"He says he doesn't," Helga explained with so much calm it was downright uncanny.

"See what you've done!" Fangirl Number Two spat. "You've turned your passionate, erotic female lead away from you! You'll end up with a female version of Chocolate Boy! For shame!"

"Arnold, you're disappointing thousands of us! Hundreds of thousands maybe even! An entire planet of once-youths thirsting for the consummation of a passionate love that burns forever brightly in our hearts! Have you no mercy?!" Number Three wept.

"Oh, so you're the ones who burnt down Lila's house!" Helga clucked.

"No, that was Fangirls Number 28 and 37," Number Two corrected them. "But Inudaughter's at fault, too. She gave them a ride to the neighborhood."

"You did what?!" Arnold sputtered. He shoved the fangirl's hands away from him. "Look. I know you want me to strut over to Helga and tell her I love her, but I won't. I don't love her."

"Ooooh! Don't listen to him, Helga!" one of the Fangirl's sputtered as she dropped to her knees. "He's delirious! He doesn't know what he's saying!"

"Humph!" Fangirl Number One decreed. "If you don't WANT to tell Helga that you love her, then we'll MAKE you tell her that you love her!"

"Helga, help!" Arnold squealed.

"Eh, nah. I'll just watch and see what they do," Helga frowned. "I've got all evening!"

The villainous fangirls dragged Arnold over to a barber shop and sat him down in a chair. One of them opened a jar of goop.

"So tell us, Arnold! Tell us just how much you love and adore Helga!" Fangirl Number Two menaced.

"And get on with the kinky sex!" Fangirl Number Three said, literally hopping mad.

"No, no, and never!" Arnold glared at his captors fiercely. "I'll NEVER do that!"

"Humph!" Number Two said. "Then you leave us no choice! The goop!"

The two girls merrily plastered Arnold's head so that his hair was uncharastically flat and sleek. They held up a hand mirror for him to see their handiwork.

"Now tell us! Tell us how much you love her!" Fangirl Number Three squeaked, still angry from before.

"Uh, no!" Arnold said, narrowing his eyes again.

"Ha! Then we're going… to trim your hair!" Fangirl Number Two growled out. The two made good on their word and trimmed Arnold's hair so short it was nearly shaved off. But he did not utter a single word of infatuation to anyone.

"Oooh, Arnold's hair is spoiled!" Number Three fussed. Tears beaded up in her eyes.

"Shush!" Number One uttered. "We had no choice! This must be done for Arnold's- no the entire fourth-dimensional world's good! Arnold with the cleverly hidden last name, you must tell us how very, very much you love Helga! Or we will be forced… to dye your hair!"

"There is NOTHING you can do to make me say it!" Arnold said, glaring fiercely at the crazed fangirls. Soon, his hair was dyed with neon blue, yellow, and orange like a clown's. But he had resisted their efforts once again.

"Look," Arnold said getting up from the chair. He swept his hands through his bangs and his hair miraculously sprung back up to it's original height and yellow color. "I think you girls are confused about something. And need medication."

"Ooooh, no you're confused!" Number Three spat. "You don't realize that you're a television show. You should follow OUR script!"

"Especially the kinky ones!" Number three spat. Inudaughter, wearing sunglasses, and Number Three both high-fived.

"I'm just a kid!" Arnold grumbled. "Give me a break! For at least… another twelve years. And then I'll think about looking at women."

"So you'll look at Helga then?" Number Two chirped balanced on her toes.

"No. Not Helga. Maybe Lila. Helga has all the sex appeal of Miss Piggy or Peppy Le Pew."

"That does it!" Arnold x Helga Fangirl Number One uttered, her fist held up to the sky. "Arnold! You are going to grovel to Helga if it's the last thing you do! We are going to tie you to the volleyball pole!"

"That doesn't scare me," Arnold countered.

"Then we will resort to nefarious deed number three! We will make you eat a hotdog… without the mustard!"

"Aw, now that's really mean, you guys," Arnold uttered. "You know the mustard's my favorite part. Besides, maybe there's a real reason I'm not interested in Helga."

"There is?" All three fangirls said, about to fall into his trap.

"Yes," Arnold said, a wicked twinkle in the corner of his eye. Then he looked up at the three girls, his eyes large and admirably beautiful. "You see," Arnold began with false humility. "The real reason I have no interest in Helga is because I've fallen madly in love with all of YOU! Your dedication! Your inspirational artwork! Your fourth-dimensional curves! How could I not notice all of you! Yes, all! I can not decide which one I like most, for you are all extraordinary!"

"Ohhh!" Number Three giggled. "How sweet of you Arnold!"

"How surprising! But welcome," said Number Two.

"Tell me more!" Fangirl Number One giggled. All three girls were startled when Arnold held up a large bow-wrapped gift.

"Here! I've got you a present! To show you just how I feel about how extraordinary you are to me! Ladies…"

"Ooooh, Arnold you charmer!" Number One fluttered her lashes as she accepted the gift. Arnold cracked a grin and nodded feverously. Then he did a dive roll to the side as all three girls clustered around the gift to see inside.

"BOOOOOOOM!" the package went off like a nuclear mushroom cloud, obliterating the girls from Hillwood. Helga pulled off her disguise as Arnold.

"Finally!" Helga spat as the dust from the blast subsided. "I got um, Lila! Now take off that disguise!"

"Alright, Helga!" Lila said, removing her disguise as… Helga. "Why did you want to take out the ringleader of the fangirls anyway? They are fans of yours, too, after all."

"Are you kidding?!" Helga sniffed. "They keep gawping at naked renderings of MY Arnold! That butt belong only to me!" Helga pointed to herself. "The competition had to go!"

"It seems a bit extreme what you did, but you DO remember our agreement, right?" asked Lila.

"Tschka. Yeah. Threesome for dinner. You, me, Arnie. Are you sure you can't get somebody else to go with you?"

"Positive," remarked Lila. "Timberly turned the offer down. But whatever happened to Arnold?" Lila wondered. "The real one?"

"Oh, Inudaughter's hiding him in a magically bottomless backpack. She's a double-agent. See?"

With a wink, Inudaughter set her backpack on the ground and pulled a rabbit... Or rather an Arnold out of the bag.

"Can you all please just stop manhandling me, now?" Arnold asked, very annoyed.

"Sure thing!" said Helga. "By the way, Arnold. It's safe now. The fans are gone."

"Oh. Are they done watching?" asked Arnold.

"Yep."

"The credits have all rolled?"

"Yep," said Helga.

"The screen has turned all to gray static fuzz?"

"Yes and yes!" said Helga grinning.

"Great!" Arnold said wrapping his arms around Helga's waist to draw her nearer in an amorous embrace. "Now we can get to all that M-rated content unsuitable for the kids to watch.

"And I thought they'd never go to bed!" Helga fluttered her long lashes. Lila rolled her eyes.

"I'll just leave the two of you alone, then. Unless you'd like a threesome!"

"NO!" Both Arnold and Helga shouted at Lila at the same time. Never loosening their grasp on one another, they leaned in tighter for a nearer, loving embrace. The end.


End file.
